As parents of internationally adopted older children ourselves, (3 who have grown up to be quite successful), we are sometimes approached by those who are considering going down the same path. Those who are doing so as a religious calling are unfortunately frequently very unprepared, sometimes with disastrous results. As much as I admire faith in any family, it takes way more than prayer and a trust in God to deal with the issues that an older internationally adopted children usually brings to a family.

I would urge any person seriously considering international adoption of an older child to be prepared for the worst, even while hoping (and praying) for the best. "The worst" can, and often, runs the gamut from bipolar disorder, severe attachment disorder, issues related to alcohol/drug abuse in the prior biological family and/or prior sexual abuse, which is unfortunately common with these children. Bottom line is, there WILL be issues when you adopt your child, no matter how much love you shower him/her with. At the very least there will be issues relating to severe grief and loss, attachment, and adjustment. At most, there will be a complex combination of emotional, behavioral, and mental health issues.

Please start by readng this letter by a well-known physician who's an expert in helping families determine medical/emotional/psychological issues of a prospective older adoptee: http://www.peds.umn.edu/iac/topics/letter/ and then continue on to read anything you can get your hands on about this topic. If you still can't scare yourself out of the situation, then maybe adoption of an older international child is for you!

We've witnessed countless tragic stories of adoptions that have been terminated a year or two into it by families who were unprepared for the situation, many of whom felt a religious calling to adopt and felt that their faith and love would overcome any difficulties. Not only does this outlook often result in adoption termination, but often the parents' marriage cannot withstand the stress and/or they seriously traumatize any other children in the family.

International adoption of older children is not to be just prayed about while hoping that a solution presents itself – prospective adoptive parents must actively educate themselves with all the possible (and likely) scenarios of prospective issues/diagnoses the adoptee will come to the family with, and then if they're still convinced they are ready and able to welcome this child into their family, maybe they can truly consider it a sign from God that they should adopt!

Once again, thank you and all the best to Martin and the Pieroneks for sharing their beautiful story.