Kitchen Shrink: April Fools’ wacky food stories: True or False?
Spring fever seems to trigger light-hearted celebrations and other acts of tomfoolery. Many cultures around the world launch the season with shenanigans, starting with the Romans who created a festival they belovedly named Hilaria on March 25, rejoicing in the resurrection of Attis.
The Hindu calendar gremlins kick up their heels with Holi, and the Jewish people do at Purim. The origin of April Fools’ Day in the western world is ridiculously vague, but folks have been performing asinine antics for centuries.
This Kitchen Shrink is in on the foolheartedness with a handful of bizarre food events, all true except for a solitary story. No kidding. You try to guess the hoax.
Aged Wine That’s Out of This World
An Englishman blended his pair of passions – astronomy and winemaking by creating Meteorito, a Cabernet Sauvignon that was fermented with a 4.5 million-year-old meteorite. For a sample of Meteorito, visit Ian Hutcheon’s observatory in Chile called the Centro Astrononomica Tagua Tagua, the only spot on Earth that serves the age-old libation.
Bypass on a Bun
Gluttony karma struck a patron at the Heart Attack Grill in Las Vegas when he suffered cardiac arrest while stuffing his face with a 6,000-calorie Triple Bypass Burger.
The restaurant owner’s response was caveat emptor — let the buyer beware since there was a warning sign for customers posted outside: “Go away. If you come to this place, it’s going to kill you.” Fortunately, the patron survived the artery-clogging triple bypass burger, but will likely need the real triple bypass procedure.
Eat Your Words
A chef from Limoges, France has collaborated with a Paris publisher to create an edible newspaper called “Le Delicieux Daily.” The ink flavors include black licorice, chocolate, strawberry and peppermint, while the paper comes in vanilla bean, banana and lemon varieties.
The good news – once you’ve finished reading, you can recycle the paper down the hatch. That’s food for thought.
A new, hot and hip diner in Berlin serves only food that Fred Flintstone and his ilk would devour. The Sauvage Restaurant specializes in Paleolithic cuisine that caters to hunters and gatherers, including organic fruits, veggies, eggs, seeds, nuts, herbs, fish and meat with a menu devoid of bread, cheese and items containing sugar. Tables are candle-lit while servers are barefoot and lift boulders between courses.
Dr. Frankenstein Does Deli
Scientists who euphemistically call themselves “tissue engineers” are on the hunt for creating meat without harming animals. “Shmeat” aka hydroponic meat, test-tube meat, victimless meat and vitro meat, is experimental meat grown in cell cultures from animal tissue, similar in practice to scientists growing human skin patches for burn victims.
Cells are harvested from live chickens, pigs or cows, stored in nutrient-rich solutions where they multiply before being transplanted to nutrient-soaked sheets, ergo the contraction of the name “sheet meat.” Pickled shmeat on rye, anyone?
The latest craze in western Japanese cuisine is glow-in-the-dark sushi. Genetically modified florescent fish called glofish light up your plate with iridescent shades of green, blue and red. Just be sure to brush and floss afterwards to avoid a glow-in-the-dark smile from neon bits stuck between your teeth.
The first column reader to identify the false story will receive a copy of my fun and humorous children’s book, “Jolene – Adventures of a Junk Food Queen.”
Email me at email@example.com. Good luck! (The answer will be posted in next week’s column).Here’s a ludicrously delicious mock chocolate mousse, minus the raw egg that can cause some tummy troubles. And that’s no joke. Serve with glow-in-the-dark spoons.
2 medium-size ruby yams, peeled and cut in cubes
1 medium banana
2 ounces of bittersweet chocolate
1/2 teaspoon of vanilla extract
Shot of dark rum
1/2 cup of whipped cream and extra for topping
Boil the yams until soft. While boiling, melt the chocolate. In a large mixing bowl combine the yams and banana, and mash with a fork. Add the extract, chocolate and rum, blending well. Fold in the whipped cream. Chill. Spoon into martini glasses, top with a dollop of whipped cream, and sprinkle with cocoa powder.
Where possible, use organics.